Searching
by quali-tea-individual
Summary: *TROS SPOILERS! Read at your own risk!* Rey wants nothing more than to be reunited with Ben. But what lengths will she go to bring him back? How far will she search for him? A story that deals with grief, love, pain, and hope.


_**Chapter One-Frigid Loneliness**_

"Ben" Rey whispered, her voice delicate but tired.

She had been at this all day, every day for months—meditating in front of her new home on Tatooine. She would float above the sand, eyes closed, calling out his name. Calling out and searching through the force, waiting for a response that, deep down, she knew she would not hear.

"Ben." She said again, with more command and anguish than before.

She felt her heart sink into her stomach and her focus began to wane. But she had to keep trying. Even just one last time, she had to try.

But she was so tired, and so desperate. Her emotions began to bubble inside of her—all her feelings of grief, loneliness, and desire were about to spill out of her, and she lacked the energy to anything more about it.

"BEN!" She cried, her eyes flashing open and her concentration on the force completely lost.

Rey collapsed into the sand, feeling all energy escape her body. Heavy breaths and quiet sobs escaped her lips as she rolled over onto her back.

"What will it take to get you back?" She mumbled as several hot tears made their way down her face.

Seeing its master sprawled out on the ground, BB-8 quickly began to roll its way toward the defeated girl. Hearing her droid companion zooming toward her, she quickly wiped her eyes and pushed herself up.

BB-8 began circling around Rey, looking for any potential injuries.

"I'm alright. I just—it was just a lot," Rey panted, turning away from the droid, "No matter what I do—no matter how hard I try, I can't find him."

BB-8 rolled in front of her. Through a series of chirps and beeps, BB-8 attempted to comfort her.

"There's still hope!" It would say.

"We'll find him!" He continued, lovingly rolling into Rey's leg.

But Rey was starting to have her doubts.

It had been nearly 4 months since Palpatine and the First Order had been destroyed, and peace had generally returned to the galaxy. It was not quite put completely back together again, but it was on its way through the efforts of the former resistance members. They were determined to see this war through until the very end, and that included the aftermath of the war. Poe and Finn were at the forefront of bringing justice and restoring order to the galaxy.

However, Rey knew that the path her friends were about to venture on was not one that they shared with her. As much as she wanted to continue with them and help them, she knew that she had other obligations. Now that Luke and Leia's sabers were hidden, she now had to decide what to do about the existence of the Jedi. But she could not. She tried to plan and look at her options moving forward, but she could not—would not. When she came to stow away the Skywalker's light sabers, she had not fully intended for Tatooine to become her full-time residence. However, she got stuck and was unable to move forward.

There was one thing plaguing her mind and had been ever since he died all those months ago.

Ben Solo.

He had sacrificed himself for her. He didn't have to, but he did. He was so much to her. The only one who truly understood the turmoil that she had been dealing with for the past few years. The only one that made her feel wanted.

The one that she loved above all others.

But he was gone. Completely. Once she kissed him, he gave her a final goofy, toothy, beautiful grin before collapsing and disappearing. His clothes were the only things that were physically left of him. He had not even come back to her as a ghost as his mother and uncle had and neither of them had any idea why.

She felt him. Inside of her. His life force coursed through her soul, but it was not enough. She wanted to hear his voice and be near to him. She had never wanted anything more than to touch his face once more and to hold him in her arms again. She wanted to tell him so much. Their time together was simply too short and that fact tortured Rey every single day.

She just wanted him back, if only for a moment.

Sighing, she shook her head and stood. The suns had nearly disappeared from the sky and the desert was starting to get very, very cold.

"C'mon BB-8. It's time to head inside." Rey shivered. She took one last sad look at the falling suns before turning back toward the home.

BB-8 tilted its domed head down sadly. It knew that Rey was losing hope in finding Ben. And it knew that tonight was going to be another restless night for her.

* * *

Rey could not fall asleep. She would go through cycles of closing her eyes and trying to focus on her breathing, to her eyes darting open at the slightest noise or chill of air she felt, to staring at the ceiling for a prolonged period, and the trying it all again.

After about cycle seventeen, she sat up.

"This is futile." She whispered to herself, careful to not wake BB-8.

A cold breeze blew through the window, prickling her skin and causing goosebumps to rise from her skin. She was not wearing much, just a thin sun-bleached undershirt and some worn-out brown pants but even then, it should have been enough to keep her warm. Growing up on Jakku, Rey was used to desert climates—the broiling heat during the day and the near frigid temperatures at night. Tatooine had not been much different.

Suddenly, Rey felt a deep shiver that coursed through her whole body. She exhaled a staggered breath as she pulled her single blanket up to her chin. She tried to generate heat between herself and the blanket in several ways, however, she continued to shiver. The shaking became more aggressive as the minutes passed. Her hands grew colder and colder until she began to not feel that they were there at all.

"Wha-what is happen-happening." Rey shivered fiercely as she began to lose control of her body. She found herself beginning to lie down, her body unable to keep herself upright any longer.

Once she was horizontal on her bed, she slowly curled into a ball, trying to maintain the last bit of heat within her in any way that she could. However, no matter what she did, she could not stop her body from shaking.

As she felt the last bit of heat escape her shaking body, she felt her eyes get heavy and her mind go dark. Finally, her eyelids forcibly drooped shut.

"_Rey."_

* * *

A/N: Hello, all! I hope you enjoyed the beginning of this little Star Wars story! For those who have never read any of my previous stories, hello and thank you! For those who have read my previous stories, welcome back and thank you for checking out this not-Fire Emblem story! I promise I'll be getting back to the Corruption Within SOON!

I hope I'm doing this little continuation of Rey and Ben's story justice so far. I've had a LOT of feelings about Rise of Skywalker since seeing it twice, both good and not so good. Regardless of anything, I adore these two characters. Their scene (you know the one) broke my heart, and I'm using this story to cope. I don't totally know when the next update will be, but I hope this first chapter was enough to get you to stick around for the next part!

Thanks, as always, for your support.


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